I believe that being in a relationship gives you important life experience. It helps you grow. A lot of the life lessons I’ve learned have been during a relationship. But what happens when the partner in crime decides to break up? I’ve seen this happen to friends a few times. A distinct pattern shows to repeat itself over and over again.
The five stages of a breakup:
1. Denial
It’s just a minor bump in the road. They know that the uncertainty about the relationship that their newly ex felt was just a minor passing emotion, and they’ll be back together over the weekend again. Why not just enjoy a beer with the guys and watch the game?
You will notice that they don’t talk much about things during this stage. It’s like someone accidently found their snooze-button. Their mind wanders off and you are just left with an agreeing cassette player on repeat. Uh-hum.. Uh-hum..
2. Anger
Meet Mr. Hyde. It’s comical listening to them explain all the flaws of their ex as they are being very overdramatic about it. “She has all kinds of weird combinations of spreads and cold cuts on her sandwich, and she’s ALWAYS chewing with her mouth open! I hope she chokes on her next raisin-mayo-banana sandwich”.
You don’t recognise the person they are talking about, but don’t worry, this is fortunately a passing stage. Given enough time they’ll return to their normal selves (somewhere in between the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities), just the way we like them. Sane! But before that, they have more stages to stop by.
3. Bargaining
Meet Dr. Jekyll. They believe that they can save the relationship. ONE CHANCE is all they need to make things perfect again! By God this will be the LAST time you’ll EVER see them leaving that toilet seat up! They even go to such great lengths in this that offering to do all the chores for the next three years seems completely reasonable.
I’ve seen this situation happen over and over again. They go completely mental! It’s like watching a re-enactment of the film ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest’. They cannot be reasoned with at all. Suddenly she is the woman of their lives, who they want children with. They would even go buy tampons for her if she needed them!
4. Depression
Somehow they have come to the conclusion that they have absolutely no friends at all. Their life no longer exists (it’s like they have entered Limbo for you Inception fans out there). They believe you are just visiting to be polite, not because you consider them as being a friend.
You try to help them by saying “There are more fish in the sea”, “You are too good for her anyway” and I’ve even tried improvising a few metaphor-like lines without any success. They are prepared to die alone at the age of 20.
5. Acceptance
Despite all they have been through, they finally realise that they actually had a life before the relationship. They even had friends! They might get some flashbacks in situations that remind them of the past, but they get by. There are plenty more fish in the sea after all.
We have all been through this in some way or another. It’s hard, but it’s just the way of life. When you are past this process, you can start to reflect and learn from it. You know about things you did which didn’t work, and other things that really worked. This is all experience you take with you into your next relationship.
Written by Neon
